In this Article:
Why FOMO can be especially powerful when you already doubt yourself
The problem with comparing your whole life with somebody else’s highlight reel
Try a “won’t-do” list, and know what you are choosing instead
A successful career does not require saying yes to everything
When everyone else seems to be doing more
You hear that a colleague has published another paper. Someone you trained with has just stepped into a leadership role.
None of this bothers you much at first. Then, somewhere between checking your inbox and scrolling through LinkedIn, you start noticing just how many people seem to have a career update worth posting.
And before you know it, you are wondering whether you should be doing more too.
Perhaps you had decided not to take on another committee because your calendar is already groaning under the weight of everything in it. Or you decided this wasn't the year to start another qualification, take on a leadership role or add yet another project to the pile.
Then you see what other people are doing, and suddenly those perfectly reasonable decisions start to feel a little less comfortable.
That is FOMO, the fear of missing out, at work: the concern that by saying no to an opportunity, you might fall behind, miss something important or watch other people get ahead while you stand still.
For healthcare professionals, particularly those already prone to self-doubt or imposter syndrome, that pull can be powerful. It can make every opportunity feel like one you ought to take, even when it does not fit your priorities or what matters to you at this stage of your life.
The alternative is not to become less ambitious or start saying no to anything that feels difficult, but rather to become more deliberate about what you want to say yes to.
That is where JOMO, the joy of missing out, can be useful. There can be real relief, and sometimes even joy, in knowing why you have chosen not to do something and what you are choosing instead.
Why FOMO can be especially powerful when you already doubt yourself
FOMO can be uncomfortable for anyone, but it can hit harder when you are already questioning whether you are doing enough.
Imposter syndrome often comes with a tendency to compare yourself with others, especially people you see as more experienced, accomplished, or confident. In one study of internal medicine residents, habitual comparison with others emerged as a recurring theme in how participants described their imposter feelings.
The trouble is that comparison is rarely fair.
You know your own career from the inside, with all the awkward moments, missed opportunities, work that took far longer than you expected and times when you felt completely out of your depth.
Other people’s careers are much harder to see in the same way. You tend to notice the promotion, the publication, the conference invitation or the new qualification, without knowing nearly as much about the doubt, compromises, support, timing, luck or trade-offs that may have been part of the story.
So someone else’s achievement can start to feel less like good news for them and more like evidence that you are somehow falling behind.
Once you start wondering whether you are falling behind, it can affect the choices you make. You might agree to another committee because saying no feels risky, or start questioning whether you should be publishing more, teaching more, taking on leadership roles or enrolling in another qualification.
You may even find yourself considering an opportunity you had barely thought about until you saw somebody else pursuing it.
If you are already prone to self-doubt, it can be surprisingly difficult to work out whether you genuinely want to do more, or whether you are reacting to the sense that everyone else is moving ahead without you.
That is a good moment to stop and ask yourself what is really driving the decision.
The problem with comparing your whole life with somebody else’s highlight reel
Social media can make comparison even more misleading because you are rarely comparing yourself with just one person.
You might admire one colleague’s research career, another person’s leadership role and somebody else’s apparent ability to fit in clinical work, teaching and running marathons. Before long, all of those different achievements can blur into one impossible picture of what you think you should be doing too.
You can end up comparing your one life with the best bits of several other people’s careers at once. And when that happens, it's easy to feel like everyone else is moving faster than you.
The trouble is, nobody could realistically keep up with all of that.
What JOMO actually means
JOMO is not about avoiding challenge, turning down every opportunity, or convincing yourself that something doesn't matter simply because you are nervous about it.
It is about becoming more selective.
An opportunity may be worthwhile, interesting, and even flattering, but that doesn't automatically mean it is right for you now.
JOMO means deciding whether to pursue an opportunity based on your priorities, rather than on what you worry declining it might look like.
Sometimes the answer will be yes, and sometimes no. The point is that the choice is deliberate.
Every yes has a cost
Saying yes to something rarely costs only the time on your calendar.
A monthly committee meeting may be one hour, but it usually comes with reading, preparation, emails and follow-up. A conference may only take you away from clinical work for a few days, but it also includes travel, catching up afterwards, and the extra work that tends to pile up before and after. Another project may look manageable on paper until it starts eating into evenings, exercise, family time, or the weekend you hoped to keep free.
That does not mean the answer should automatically be no.
Some opportunities are absolutely worth the extra effort. The point is to consider the full cost before you decide, because every yes to one thing is also a no to something else.
Sometimes that trade-off is worth it. What matters is being clear about what you are giving up, delaying or making harder before you say yes.
Before you say yes: a simple JOMO check
If you are unsure whether you genuinely want an opportunity, it can help to slow the decision down for a moment.
A few questions can make the trade-offs much clearer:
Would I still want this if I did not know what everyone else was doing?
Why does this matter to me?
What will I need to give up, delay or miss out on if I say yes?
Is this the right opportunity for me right now, or simply an opportunity?
These questions can help you separate genuine interest from pressure, comparison or the feeling that you should say yes.
Try a “won’t-do” list, and know what you are choosing instead
Most of us are very good at making lists of what we want to do next. It can be just as useful to decide what you are deliberately not going to do, at least for now.
Your “won’t-do” list might include things like not joining another committee this year, not attending work meetings on your day off, not enrolling in further study for the next two years, or not going to every conference that looks vaguely relevant.
The words for now matter. Deciding not to do something this year doesn't mean you have closed the door forever. It simply reflects your priorities at this point in your career and life.
But a won’t-do list on its own can still feel like a list of things you are missing.
The more important part is being clear about what you want to do instead.
Perhaps not starting another qualification gives you time to learn a musical instrument, get back to regular exercise or have more evenings with your family. You might decide not to attend an overseas conference this year because you want to spend more time at home with your toddler while they recover from an illness. Or you may say no to another committee so you have more capacity for the work you are already doing, or for a project you care about more.
That is where FOMO starts to become JOMO.
Instead of focusing only on the opportunity you have turned down, you can see what that decision has made possible.
JOMO is not just being willing to miss out. It is knowing what you are choosing instead.
Getting more comfortable with missing out
Even when you know you made the right decision for you, you may still have second thoughts when you see photos of an event, hear people talk about what happened, or watch somebody else take an opportunity you declined.
That does not necessarily mean you made the wrong choice.
You can be happy with your decision and still wonder what you missed. You can feel relieved that you protected your time and still have a moment of doubt when everyone else seems to be there.
When that happens, go back to why you made the decision in the first place. Remind yourself what you chose instead and why.
Perhaps it was more time with your family, space to do your current work well, regular exercise, a project you care about more, or fewer commitments for a while to recover from burnout.
The FOMO might not disappear completely, but going back to your reasons can help put the decision back into context.
JOMO is about knowing why missing an opportunity was worth it.
A successful career does not require saying yes to everything
There will always be another conference, committee, project or qualification you could pursue, and there will always be someone whose career seems to be moving faster than yours.
You do not need to do all of it, certainly not all at once.
What matters more is being clear about your own priorities at this stage of your life and career, and making choices that reflect them.
Sometimes, saying yes to something new is exactly the right thing to do. At other times, you may look at a perfectly good opportunity and decide, “Not now. I have enough on my plate.”
Being clear about your priorities makes it easier to choose where you want to put your time, energy and attention.
And perhaps that is where the real joy of missing out lies: having more room for what matters to you now.