Top 5 Regrets of the Dying: Reflections for Healthcare Professionals This Festive Season

A season that invites reflection

The festive season has a way of stirring things up. In hospitals and clinics, December often feels like two parallel worlds. There's the celebration happening around you, and then there's the work that keeps going because people still need care. For many in healthcare, it's a time of year that asks a lot.

It also tends to prompt a more honest kind of reflection. Not the glossy New Year's resolution version, but a clear look at how life is actually feeling. Your relationships. The habits that help or trip you up. The gap between the person you want to be and the energy you're working with right now.

This is where Bronnie Ware's book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, feels particularly relevant. She wrote it after years of sitting with people in their final chapter and hearing what they wished they'd done differently. These aren't theoretical insights – they're shaped by real lives and real regrets.

For people in healthcare, many of these themes land close to home. You witness these moments more often than most, and it shapes how you think about your own choices. The work offers something beyond the clinical: an invitation to pause, even briefly, and take stock of how you want to live, work and lead.

Regret 1 – "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself"

This was the regret Bronnie Ware heard most often. And in healthcare, it's not hard to understand why. Training demands, cultural norms and the expectation that you'll always be the reliable one can slowly pull you away from what once felt like you. Before you know it, your values and priorities have slipped into the background.

Research shows that clinicians who develop a healthy, grounded sense of professional identity – rather than simply moulding themselves to external expectations – experience better wellbeing. Who you are matters just as much as what you do.

If you find a moment over the festive break, it's worth reflecting on:

• Where have my choices drifted away from my values this year?

• What do I want to do differently next year?

These aren't questions about blame. They're moments of honest reflection that help you steer your life with more intention.

There's a leadership thread here, too. Staying connected to your values builds clarity and trust with your team. Reconnecting with what matters isn't a luxury – it shapes how you live, how you work and how you lead in a profession that asks so much of you.

Regret 2 – "I wish I hadn't worked so hard"

This regret is one that many people in healthcare recognise straight away. The culture often rewards overextending yourself – saying yes, staying late, covering gaps, being the one others can rely on.

And the reality is, many long hours aren't optional. They're part of rosters, staffing pressures, and the unpredictable nature of patient care. So this isn't about the hours you can't shift. It's about noticing the ones you can influence – the extra load that creeps in because you're used to pushing through, or because the culture expects it, or because you care deeply about the people around you.

December often makes this tension more obvious. While the world slows down, healthcare keeps moving, and personal plans get reshuffled to fit around work.

A few practical shifts that can help:

• Micro-boundaries: Actually take your break. Pause before you automatically say yes. Let the non-urgent emails wait. These small things add up and change how your day feels.

• Good enough is often good enough: Throwing more effort at something doesn't always improve it. Sometimes you just need to ease off the expectation that everything has to be perfect. Even loosening the grip slightly can make your workload feel more manageable.

• Rest matters for leadership: Rest isn't the reward at the end of a completed to-do list. It's what keeps you effective as a leader – clearer thinking, more patience, better decisions. Even short breaks make a difference.

None of this dismisses the real pressures you face. It's simply about noticing the pockets of choice you do have and using them to build a life and career you can sustain.

Regret 3 – "I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings"

Emotional suppression is woven into healthcare culture. No one teaches it formally – you learn it by watching others push through, stay composed and keep their emotions tucked away. It makes sense in a job that asks so much of you, but it comes at a cost.

The trouble is, these habits don't clock off when you do. The festive season can stir up old family dynamics, unspoken expectations, and the pressure to keep everyone happy. It's easy to slip back into familiar patterns – saying very little, holding a lot and hoping everything settles on its own.

A couple of things worth trying:

• Try the less risky conversations first: Let someone know you're at capacity before you're drowning in it, or speak up when something feels wrong. Getting comfortable with these smaller moments makes the bigger conversations less intimidating.

• Say what you need: People aren't mind readers. Saying "I need ten minutes to clear my head" or "Can you take this one?" stops resentment from building and helps you not silently shoulder everything.

Expressing feelings doesn't mean oversharing or falling apart in the staff room. It's about being honest enough that the people around you know what you need – and can actually help.

Regret 4 – "I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends"

Clinicians often say they're "too busy for friends". Training years, shift work, and the early stages of consultancy can stretch over a decade, and friendships thin out simply because life fills up with exams, rosters, patient care, and the constant mental load this work brings.

But connection isn't optional for humans – and it's certainly not optional in healthcare. The Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest-running study on wellbeing, shows that strong relationships matter more for long-term health than status, income, or achievement. They're part of what sustains you.

The festive season is a good time to think about the people you've lost touch with. Choose one person to reconnect with. Send a message. Share a photo. Let them know you were thinking of them. Small conversations can bring friendships back to life, even if they've been on pause for years.

Regret 5 – "I wish I had let myself be happier"

For many clinicians, happiness can start to feel like a luxury item – something you get to enjoy only when the list is cleared, the emails answered, and the last task finally done. The perfectionist brain is very good at postponing anything that isn't strictly "necessary".

But enjoying parts of your life doesn't take away from your professionalism. The research on positive emotion and wellbeing is clear: moments of joy, play, and connection broaden thinking, support problem-solving, and help people recover from stress more effectively. In demanding clinical work, that matters.

The festive season can be a good time to let yourself enjoy things a bit more.

Here are a few gentle starting points:

• Notice small moments: A cup of coffee. A good conversation. A walk between shifts. These moments won't fix everything, but they can take the edge off a long day.

• Permission for an imperfect season: You don't need to host flawlessly or meet every expectation. Let a few things be "good enough" and enjoy what you can.

• Let enjoyment in, even briefly: A hobby, a favourite show, a swim, a slow morning. These aren't indulgences. They help you cope with the load of this work.

Letting yourself be happier doesn't mean pretending everything is fine. It means noticing the parts of life that feel good, even briefly, and giving yourself permission to enjoy them.

A gentle invitation for the holiday season

As we move into the festive season, many people in healthcare will be working while others try to switch off. Some will be on call. Others will be covering gaps. Many will be trying to rest with half an eye on their roster.

Wherever you find yourself, there's no one "right" way to move through this time of year. What might help is choosing just one small thing to focus on.

It might be reconnecting with someone you've lost touch with. Speaking up a little sooner when something doesn't sit well. Noticing the small moments that make the day feel slightly more workable. Or allowing yourself to enjoy the parts of life that are already here.

Bronnie Ware's reflections aren't about regret for regret's sake. They're a reminder that life is happening now – alongside the shifts, the charts, the family logistics, and the emotional load of this work.

As the year winds down, pick one thing from this list that resonates. Try it. See what happens. That's enough.